Self Revelation

I'm reading a book by Joyce Meyer called The Secret to True Happiness. In one of the chapters, she talks about the things in our life which prevent us from resting fully in the peace of Christ. I started making mental notes to myself of the things which are keeping me from having that peace. There seems to be three major areas - rude people, things not turning out the way I expect them to and not knowing all the answers. The latter is what especially causes me to worry.

It wasn't until I was reading Jen's adoption story last week, that I realized the source of my need to have all the answers. Like Jen, I was adopted. But there's so much about my conception, my birth that I don't know. I don't even know my birth father. I've been content all my life not knowing. I don't search the Internet for lost relatives. I don't think about hiring a private detective or a reunion with siblings I didn't know I had. I don't ask questions of those who probably know. I had a father growing up, so there wasn't really anything missing.

But maybe having all those unanswered questions, is what creates in me the desire to know all the answers in the face of uncertainty. To undertake the impossible task of figuring out an entire course of events with a sense of omniscience not humanly possible. Which in turns steals my joy and keeps me from fully resting in Christ's peace. Hmmm...

Speaking of unanswered questions, keep Dave in your thoughts and prayers tomorrow. He's going in for a CT scan of a lump under his jaw. The lump is painless and he's had it for over a year. Our doctor told him it was nothing to worry about, maybe just a swollen lymph node. A few weeks ago, Dave's Mom (she's a former nurse) was visiting and he asked her to look at it. She went back and told Dave's Stepdad (a doctor) about it. She calls us back and tells Dave he needs to see a specialist ASAP. His stepdad had major concerns that it could be cancerous. Dave went in last week for a biopsy. We know now it's not a swollen lymph node but a salivary gland. The specialist is waiting until after the CT scan to review all the test results. But she did say the gland should not be that big. I'm trying not to let my mind wander into the area of the worst case scenario. It has also given me ample opportunity to give my worries over to God and affirm that even though I don't know all the answers, He does. And regardless of the answer, He'll be there no matter what.